A Carrot

10.4.21

Why did I come here?
to this book
in the North corner of my home
at the dining table
I used as a work desk for a year
and which I’m now using as
another kind of desk

Did I come searching for something?

Is this just a dopamine scratch?
	If it is, I think it’s important
	that I tell myself a different story
		Not an untruth
		but like a parable
			Something that shades me
			from the truth
			like a nursing tree
				which I may one day
				starve to death
				as I fatten myself
				on the dirt around us

Maybe I just came here to anchor

Is there a difference between letting
your mind wander and letting your focus wander?
I feel like one is good and the other
is what I’m trying to flee

but should I be running?

Isn’t my purpose these evenings
to rest?

I guess I probably came to this
desk table book and pen
to see what was here

I have found moments and thoughts
before
which I found valuable
which I valued and value still

It’s like going to the fridge
and opening the door
to see what’s inside

I think I may have found
a carrot